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Parenthood
Parenthood saved me. Maybe not in the way you think. I was such a good Chinese daughter. I was “drinking the kool-aid” as my brother called it until I was about 30 years old. All growing up, my parents would scold me and say, “You will understand when you become a parent yourself.” The irony is, when I was finally ready to become a parent, that’s when I stopped drinking the kool-aid. Stopped being a “good daughter.” I finally drew the boundaries I needed to stop the patterns of abuse. Preparing for parenthood made me reflect deeply on the type of parent I wanted to be and it was…
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Defining success
What is success? And what is success when living with bipolar disorder? Does there have to be a difference? From a young age, I worked. I saw my parents spend way too many hours toiling away. I toiled along side them. They gave up quality of life and neglected themselves and their children for the purpose of making and saving money. We were never rich and lived very modestly with frugal habits, but if we truly ever needed or wanted something, there was money to pay for it. As a result, I have relaxed relationship with money (a privilege, I know). I always believed that if I worked hard, I…
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A friendship lost
A few years ago, I lost one of my best friends. C* and I met in grad school and we were inseparable. When my ex cheated on me and I broke it off with him, she picked me up off the floor. When she and her boyfriend ended things, she was inconsolable. She moved in with me until she found her own place. I made sure she ate and was there for her the same way she was for me during my heartbreak. C was by my side as a bridesmaid when I got married. She was the gracious host of my baby shower. Then my pregnancy, though closely monitored…
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PSYCHO
My nickname in high school was not cute. It’s not something I can laugh about even today, nearly 20 years later. It was a name that stung, what people called me when my back was turned. PSYCHO I would show up to school crying non-stop, having gone weeks without sleep. I was a top student in the class, yet I’d doodled on my final exams instead of answering any questions. I screamed at my best friend during class with a bunch of nonsense. It hurts because the nickname was accurate. I hadn’t slept in weeks. I was having a psychotic episode. I had not been diagnosed with anything. My family…
