Parenthood

Parenthood saved me. Maybe not in the way you think.

I was such a good Chinese daughter. I was “drinking the kool-aid” as my brother called it until I was about 30 years old.

All growing up, my parents would scold me and say, “You will understand when you become a parent yourself.”

The irony is, when I was finally ready to become a parent, that’s when I stopped drinking the kool-aid. Stopped being a “good daughter.” I finally drew the boundaries I needed to stop the patterns of abuse.

Preparing for parenthood made me reflect deeply on the type of parent I wanted to be and it was only then that I realized the harshness of my own childhood. I vowed to break the cycle.

I vowed to provide a nurturing environment for my child where he knew he was loved everyday. Where he would never know what it’s like to be abused, physically or verbally. Where he would never been manipulated and made to think that our love for him would be conditional. Where he would be free to explore all his creative passions.

I am extremely lucky. I have bipolar disorder but it does not stop me from leading a full, happy, successful life. But I take credit for it as well, it’s not just luck. I make the choices that afford me this life.

I work, I volunteer, I nurture. I put kindness out in the world and find warmth reflected back in unexpected and wonderful ways.

I hope that people who are just being diagnosed will know that their lives are not over because of their new “mentally ill” label. With the right treatment, you can still go after your dreams.