Defining success

What is success?

And what is success when living with bipolar disorder? Does there have to be a difference?

From a young age, I worked. I saw my parents spend way too many hours toiling away. I toiled along side them. They gave up quality of life and neglected themselves and their children for the purpose of making and saving money. We were never rich and lived very modestly with frugal habits, but if we truly ever needed or wanted something, there was money to pay for it. As a result, I have relaxed relationship with money (a privilege, I know).

I always believed that if I worked hard, I will have enough money to cover my needs. Therefore success was never defined by money for me. After college, I went into nonprofit work. I was seeking to be fulfilled, feel productive, with a healthy work-life balance.

I pursued an MBA degree in order to fulfill a niche in the nonprofit sector but did eventually end up in the private sector, working for a prestigious large corporation.

When does it end? What is healthy ambition vs. an unhealthy amount of pressure to put on yourself? Is it giving up if you are afraid moving up another level would prove too much for you? Is this “normal” apprehension that I should try to overcome or do I recognize and respect my own limits because of my condition? What are those limits?

Earlier this week, I put in my 2 week notice at my coveted corporate job. I had never made more money in my life, yet I was miserable. Ultimately, it wasn’t right for me or my family.

So begins perhaps the scariest thing I have ever done. I will be taking a few months off to focus on my writing before going back to work full time. I will be doing some soul searching in the meantime, so that I can be thoughtful and strategic about my future.